How many of you out in sleep-land find traffic noise a problem when trying to shut down for the night? I don't know but from my point of view trying to shut out those car horns, trucks and buses is next to impossible. It's a major road and a major nightmare. Being slightly deaf in my left ear doesn't seem to make any difference. Turn on my left side and the good ear seems to deal better than the deaf, muted, trashed left one.
You know the feeling of thinking you've had no sleep whatsoever, it's completely mind numbing. Listening to music at a certain volume doesn't have the same effect. I guess because it's in fact music and I for one cannot, or my brain cannot make any calming sounds from trucks, sirens that seem to be on mass at this time of the year. Being Easter in Aus, it's a three day weekend. I say three. However, folks take the Thursday off and head to "Domyfarkinblockin" to avoid the traffic hang-ups. Of course everyone and their Duck gets the same idea every year and of course it's bloody mayhem.
Last night was most intriguing, disturbing, creepy and until 1AM I listened to the holiday short cut fanatics burn up the Road. Not only that, my upstairs neighbour of whom I have never met decided it was time to inform his girlfriend of all her weaknesses. Starting at around 6PM! The problem was mainly... I could only hear the odd raised voice and not get a clear picture. Nonetheless, this haranguing continued until 1AM.
When you hear a couple going hammer and tong with each other it's very disconcerting. If it goes on for what seems an eternity the question comes to mind whether or not to hit the roof with the nearest object, turn the TV on full blast or simply go and bang on the door?
I once was leaving a Pub in Paddington many years ago. When I hit the pavement.. World War Three was commencing in a small car only feet from me. A couple were really at each others throats and in my naivety I tapped on the window of the car to see if everything was OK. What an idiot. Of course everything wasn't OK...
Oh God! Both leapt from the car and turned on me. Subsequently, I went down after a number of well placed thumps to the old body. Both had leapt from the War Zone and World War Four began on yours truly. The guy was not too bad as he really gave me a good one in the head. Most kind of him I'm sure... But the Woman came at me like a Banshie, teeth flashing and arms swinging. By this time I was feeling like I'd been in a Boxing Ring from the resounding blow to my head. No Bell rang and no one went to their respective corners. Instead, Molly, Mistress of Mayhem lurched into within a foot of me, then, with the grace of a Truck... leapt upon my back.
What the Hell? Her hands well clenched around my breathing apparatus and feet dug deep into my groin this was a Pony ride I would never forget.
One thing was clear, the boyfriend had no intention of getting in the way. I could see the look of almost shock when she began squealing and yelping as she continued to ride me down the footpath. I bucked and turned all to no avail as this rider had decided she was going to win the Bull Ride hands down. I made an amazing move. I tripped down the Gutter. What a great move as suddenly this wild eyed and vicious assailant went flying from my back head long into her own Car.
Silence.
Oh no, what now? She just lay there groaning. Enter the boyfriend with the sentence... "What have you done to my Fiancé?"!.. I thought to myself this is a match made in Heaven. Skull Murphy and The Witch from HELL...
Well, by this time there were a few spectators who had fallen from the Pub. Some of whom were swaying in the wind. Others who obviously loved a good Rodeo.
By now, I was gulping for air and re attaching my Testicles to no avail.
From a couple of spectators I received a crashing thump to the back followed by those winning words... "On Ya Mate... Well bloody Done!
You can well understand after this youthful experience my hesitation in banging on a neighbours door to see if anyone, anything for that matter was a problem.
IDIOT... of course there's a problem!!! To end it all, after about another half hour the couple above must have fallen into each others arms and blissfully gone to that wonderful place called.... Sorry Babe... and deep sleep.
Not me. As I grabbed a bit of paper and scribbled down some lyrics which reflected the nights events.
I must have slept... as when I found the said lyrics, they didn't make much sense as the pen I'd used had run out of ink.
Just another night. Another Human interaction and time to buy at least one bloody pen guaranteed to work in the dark and never run out of ink.
Did I sleep Well?! No I did not... and what's more I still don't know whether or not I could have saved everyone a long night by hurling a large object at the ceiling?
This morning after grabbing the Paper I noticed my neighbours car loaded up to the hilt with two... Yes Two!!! ... Surf Boards mounted on the Roof.
Off you go... and mind the GOD DAMNED SHARKS!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT EASTER!!!!!! YOU EGGS!!!
Peace & Love,
Iain